Such a dreaded, hated and feared word. Honestly, one of my worst nightmares. The only problem is that it isn't a nightmare. I'm living it. I know that it could happen to anyone, and most women go through it, yet it doesn't make me feel like less of a failure. Part of me wonders if I had done something different, instead of the hole in my heart I would be rejoicing.
Tomorrow I will be better. Today, I am just going to mourn my loss.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
One year later
It's been one year since my Mom passed away. Thinking back on this last year, it's been tough. The memories are still so fresh. Something as simple as reading one of my favorite story books to the girls brings on the pangs of grief. Watching Kira learn something new, or Rora wanting to call 'papa.' It makes me so sad that she is missing it, missing them. Kira will never read a book to her, Rora will never call her on the phone.
And then I have days like today. I am not 100% sure, but it is possible that I am having a miscarriage. I am extremely sad and yet I am also calm. Josh told me last week that she has been nonstop 'lobbying' my case to the Lord. It made me laugh then and today, it brings me comfort. I know she is here holding me close. Helping me not to feel fearful. I am surprisingly calm. Sad, but calm. I guess thats one of the benefits of having her there. I know that no matter what if I need her she is right here with me.
I know this post is rambling, but so are my thoughts. Mom, I miss you and I love you. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have that we can be together again. I'm not sure if I would have been able to make it through this past year without that. I love you Mom! You are forever in my heart. Thanks for giving me such a wonderful life!
Til we meet again......
And then I have days like today. I am not 100% sure, but it is possible that I am having a miscarriage. I am extremely sad and yet I am also calm. Josh told me last week that she has been nonstop 'lobbying' my case to the Lord. It made me laugh then and today, it brings me comfort. I know she is here holding me close. Helping me not to feel fearful. I am surprisingly calm. Sad, but calm. I guess thats one of the benefits of having her there. I know that no matter what if I need her she is right here with me.
I know this post is rambling, but so are my thoughts. Mom, I miss you and I love you. I am so grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have that we can be together again. I'm not sure if I would have been able to make it through this past year without that. I love you Mom! You are forever in my heart. Thanks for giving me such a wonderful life!
Til we meet again......
Friday, July 8, 2011
The Treasure Hunt to end all Treasure Hunts!
We took the girls to the park tonight for a treasure hunt! The treasure they are getting makes me cry as I type this! I am so blessed!
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Well...Ash just left on a jet plane...
...don't know when she'll be back again. :( (I had to add that... :D )
We have had a wonderful two weeks with Ashleigh here. It has been so fun having her to hang out with.
One of our first activities was free child labor. We went blueberry picking. It was so fun and we had a great time. Not to mention the 2 gallons of blueberries that we brought home! Soo yummy! (and I don't even like blueberries!)
Aurora was a great picker! Kira, liked to pick the blueberries only to put them in her mouth. :) She spent the entire time playing with her friends and shoveling blueberries into her mouth.
We spent a lot of time hanging out. (staying up late...im not sure i'll EVER recover ;) Ashleigh learned about hot rollers. She really is way to beautiful for her own good! And of course, painting Josh's nails. He is such a good sport!
We had a Harry Potter marathon. I couldn't believe it, Ashleigh had never seen all 7 (of 8) Harry Potter movies. How can you go through life without seeing or reading Harry Potter!?! Such a dissapointment!
Josh was able to take a few days off work and we were able to go up to Chattanooga. Our first day we went to the zoo. It was really small, yet it was clean and nice. It turned out to be perfect for us. We were able to get to the hotel early and go swimming for a couple of hours.
Our next day we went to Chickamauga. I just love this battlefield. It is such an important piece of lost history. I was really surprised that it wasn't taught in school, with it being the second largest battle during the civil war, but then I realised that it shows how God touched the hand of the union to keep us a complete nation. Yes, the south won that battle, but the simple mistakes that were made after by the south really showed me how important America is to the Lord. (If you don't know about it either look it up or call me :)
We stumbled upon a Central Park while we were there. If you haven't been to Central Park they have the best fries ever. So yummy! We stopped twice just for the fries!
We went to Lake Winnepesaukah amusement park the on our last day. It was really fun! I loved that Kira was tall enough for most of the rides. She had a blast and gained a lot of courage. Rora was even able to ride many of the rides. Her favorite (and mine) was the slide. Just a simple slide. Sitting in a gunny sack, but oh so fun and fast. We went over and over and over again!
All good things must come to an end, fortunately even though we were back at home
that night, the next day was once again filled with fun. We went to Point Mallard. It was so much fun! Kira was tall enough to ride the tube slides, the only thing was that she had to ride alone. She loved it...until her third ride when she tried to adjust just after getting on the ride and flipped over. She ended up hitting her head and back, barely hanging on until the end of the ride. Naturally I was shocked when she got back on just a few minutes later. Over and over again we went down the slides. Can you tell im proud!?! Thanks Josh for spending time alone with the baby in the kiddie area so Ash, Kira and I could ride the slides over and over and over again.
It was so fun having Ash here. I can't wait until she can come back next summer! ***hint*hint***
Starting tomorrow we will be staying home so Rora can master potty training. Wish us luck!
*****Blogger decided to have issues uploading the rest of my pictures :( If you want to see them look on facebook.*****
We have had a wonderful two weeks with Ashleigh here. It has been so fun having her to hang out with.
One of our first activities was free child labor. We went blueberry picking. It was so fun and we had a great time. Not to mention the 2 gallons of blueberries that we brought home! Soo yummy! (and I don't even like blueberries!)
Aurora was a great picker! Kira, liked to pick the blueberries only to put them in her mouth. :) She spent the entire time playing with her friends and shoveling blueberries into her mouth.
We spent a lot of time hanging out. (staying up late...im not sure i'll EVER recover ;) Ashleigh learned about hot rollers. She really is way to beautiful for her own good! And of course, painting Josh's nails. He is such a good sport!
We had a Harry Potter marathon. I couldn't believe it, Ashleigh had never seen all 7 (of 8) Harry Potter movies. How can you go through life without seeing or reading Harry Potter!?! Such a dissapointment!
Josh was able to take a few days off work and we were able to go up to Chattanooga. Our first day we went to the zoo. It was really small, yet it was clean and nice. It turned out to be perfect for us. We were able to get to the hotel early and go swimming for a couple of hours.
Our next day we went to Chickamauga. I just love this battlefield. It is such an important piece of lost history. I was really surprised that it wasn't taught in school, with it being the second largest battle during the civil war, but then I realised that it shows how God touched the hand of the union to keep us a complete nation. Yes, the south won that battle, but the simple mistakes that were made after by the south really showed me how important America is to the Lord. (If you don't know about it either look it up or call me :)
We stumbled upon a Central Park while we were there. If you haven't been to Central Park they have the best fries ever. So yummy! We stopped twice just for the fries!
We went to Lake Winnepesaukah amusement park the on our last day. It was really fun! I loved that Kira was tall enough for most of the rides. She had a blast and gained a lot of courage. Rora was even able to ride many of the rides. Her favorite (and mine) was the slide. Just a simple slide. Sitting in a gunny sack, but oh so fun and fast. We went over and over and over again!
All good things must come to an end, fortunately even though we were back at home
that night, the next day was once again filled with fun. We went to Point Mallard. It was so much fun! Kira was tall enough to ride the tube slides, the only thing was that she had to ride alone. She loved it...until her third ride when she tried to adjust just after getting on the ride and flipped over. She ended up hitting her head and back, barely hanging on until the end of the ride. Naturally I was shocked when she got back on just a few minutes later. Over and over again we went down the slides. Can you tell im proud!?! Thanks Josh for spending time alone with the baby in the kiddie area so Ash, Kira and I could ride the slides over and over and over again.
It was so fun having Ash here. I can't wait until she can come back next summer! ***hint*hint***
Starting tomorrow we will be staying home so Rora can master potty training. Wish us luck!
*****Blogger decided to have issues uploading the rest of my pictures :( If you want to see them look on facebook.*****
Friday, June 24, 2011
Yes, we're still alive!
About a month ago Rora discovered the power cord to my computer. She learned how to put it in the computer. The only problem was that she also enjoyed sucking on it. Yep, you see where this is going. She fried my motherboard :( On the upside, yesterday I got my computer back from gateway :)
Our last month has been spent in pure enjoyment. With summer in full swing we've been swimming, snuggling, enjoying daily spinach smoothies (did you know that in one smoothie kids get an entire day's worth of fruits and vegetables!) spending lots of time with friends and pretending we have time to relax.
Currently Ashleigh, my neice, is spending two weeks with us. It's been so fun having her here! It seems everytime I see her she is more beautiful, mature and just so darn grown up!
I am not even going to try to catch up on what I missed writing about, just know that it was really good. :D
I hope you are enjoying your summer! I sure am!!
Our last month has been spent in pure enjoyment. With summer in full swing we've been swimming, snuggling, enjoying daily spinach smoothies (did you know that in one smoothie kids get an entire day's worth of fruits and vegetables!) spending lots of time with friends and pretending we have time to relax.
Currently Ashleigh, my neice, is spending two weeks with us. It's been so fun having her here! It seems everytime I see her she is more beautiful, mature and just so darn grown up!
I am not even going to try to catch up on what I missed writing about, just know that it was really good. :D
I hope you are enjoying your summer! I sure am!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Atlanta aquarium
Easter weekend we took a quick overnighter to Atlanta to go to the temple open house. Friday morning we left early to go to the aquarium. I was all hyped up to go. Unfortunately, even though it is the worlds largest, I wasn't very impressed. When we got there the line to buy tickets was crazy. I kept thinking how inefficient it all was. As we went around the attractions Josh and I kept laughing about how Disney World has spoiled us. Their were so many people there and no clear line of movement. We learned quickly that if Kira wanted to touch a fish we had go for it. We couldn't hold back patiently because every time we did someone cut infront of us. It didn't help that Kira kept begging to leave so we could go to the temple. She could care less about anything but being at the temple. It was adorable!
I was very impressed that both girls touched a stingray (well, Rora couldn't reach it, but she sure tried!) and a sea anemone.
All and all it was fun, but not a place we will go back to.
Up next: ATLANTA TEMPLE TRIP! It was epic!
*and since im exhausted and heading to bed, if you want to see pictures, look on facebook. :)*
I was very impressed that both girls touched a stingray (well, Rora couldn't reach it, but she sure tried!) and a sea anemone.
All and all it was fun, but not a place we will go back to.
Up next: ATLANTA TEMPLE TRIP! It was epic!
*and since im exhausted and heading to bed, if you want to see pictures, look on facebook. :)*
Monday, May 16, 2011
The storm
So I thought I would backtra6ck on my blog posts. Starting with the most recent. The tornados.
Im sure you all know that we had one of the largest amount of tornados at one time in the history of Alabama. (Most recent comparison was in the 1970's.) The thing you have to understand is that the news over dramatizes every tornado here. Except this one. We had more advanced warnings since Josh watches the weather (and Matt who I babysit for is a weatherman.) Of course, I ingored them both. They say it all the time and the tornado's always miss us. Of course, when you cry wolf to many times everyone laughs it off. Until it really is a wolf, or a tornado(s).
The girls and I went into the closet when it got dark outside. Within a minute we could hear the thundering roar of the tornado that passed our way. We all made it through unscathed, with little damage to the house (garage door bent out of shape and a few shingles need to be replaced where a branch hit the house and slid to the ground.) Our neighbor a few houses down had a tree fall through her bedroom and the girl that lives across from us saw the tornado (that didn't touch down in our area) take her roof off as she was carrying her baby down the stairs to safety. Her whole upstairs needs to be gutted because of the water damage.
We had Kira sleep in our closet the entire time the power was out. At first it was because of all the damage and the storms weren't done. After that when we had no power and neighbors were having burglary attempts on their houses, (4 attempts in our niehborhood that we know of)
All that said, I actually enjoyed having the power out - as long as I ignored my laundry room :) All our neighbors were home and since the weather was fantastic we spent the entire time outside. Kira was in heaven playing with her friends all day. It was such a great sense of community. I almost wish life would be put on hold again for a day or two just for that.
Of course we found a few holes in our emergency plan, but all things considered we were prepared and it was such a relief to know that.
I am so grateful that we live in a time with hot water, washing machines, vacuum, etc. I am also grateful for a Prophet who coucils us to be prepared. Have a great evening everyone! Hopefully Ill have time tomorrow to post about our trip to Atlanta and the sweet excitement Kira felt at the temple.
Im sure you all know that we had one of the largest amount of tornados at one time in the history of Alabama. (Most recent comparison was in the 1970's.) The thing you have to understand is that the news over dramatizes every tornado here. Except this one. We had more advanced warnings since Josh watches the weather (and Matt who I babysit for is a weatherman.) Of course, I ingored them both. They say it all the time and the tornado's always miss us. Of course, when you cry wolf to many times everyone laughs it off. Until it really is a wolf, or a tornado(s).
The girls and I went into the closet when it got dark outside. Within a minute we could hear the thundering roar of the tornado that passed our way. We all made it through unscathed, with little damage to the house (garage door bent out of shape and a few shingles need to be replaced where a branch hit the house and slid to the ground.) Our neighbor a few houses down had a tree fall through her bedroom and the girl that lives across from us saw the tornado (that didn't touch down in our area) take her roof off as she was carrying her baby down the stairs to safety. Her whole upstairs needs to be gutted because of the water damage.
We had Kira sleep in our closet the entire time the power was out. At first it was because of all the damage and the storms weren't done. After that when we had no power and neighbors were having burglary attempts on their houses, (4 attempts in our niehborhood that we know of)
All that said, I actually enjoyed having the power out - as long as I ignored my laundry room :) All our neighbors were home and since the weather was fantastic we spent the entire time outside. Kira was in heaven playing with her friends all day. It was such a great sense of community. I almost wish life would be put on hold again for a day or two just for that.
Of course we found a few holes in our emergency plan, but all things considered we were prepared and it was such a relief to know that.
I am so grateful that we live in a time with hot water, washing machines, vacuum, etc. I am also grateful for a Prophet who coucils us to be prepared. Have a great evening everyone! Hopefully Ill have time tomorrow to post about our trip to Atlanta and the sweet excitement Kira felt at the temple.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)