The last few weeks have had so much joy, yet it hurts everytime that there is any 'event' on our house. Rora has hit seven months! She is getting really good at doing the army crawl, she has mastered the pincer grip and is feeding herself, she learned how to wave 'bye, bye' and she just broke her first tooth.
Kira has also had a fun couple of weeks. She is such a sweet sister. I have the opportunity to watch other children and how they interact. I have yet to see another three year old who is so intune with a baby. To all the other children ive seen, babies are there and they are ocasionally fun to play with, but other than that they are to be ignored. Akira is different. She loves to play with Aurora. She can get her to laugh so much easier than I can and she enjoys it. I don't have to ask her to play with her sister, she just does. She gets so worried at meal times if I get her food before taking care of Aurora. She thinks that as the baby, Aurora needs to come first and for the most part she has no problem putting her first. Whether to get her a binky, give her a toy, or just entertain her. It melts my heart.
With all the wonderfulness( yes, it is a word because I deem it so!) that is going on in my life, there is a deepening chasm that I any trying to learn to live with. Every laugh, every smile or cute saying, every developmental milestone all I want to do is tell my Mom about it. I went from talking to her everyday, or two, or three times a day, to wanting to talk to her every few minutes throughout the day. Maybe its because these few weeks have had such milestones, yet I doubt it. I know she is watching me and smiling down on my family, but that doesn't ease the hole.
I miss my Mom. As she went through all her trials here on earth, I thought a lot about when she would pass on and how wonderful that would be for her spirit. I thought that I could relate to those who have had parents pass. I knew that I didn't 'know' what it was like, yet I felt that I knew better than many. I was so wrong. I could never have imagined the feelings I have. I was able to feel empathy towards others, yet not sympathy. It helps me appreciate the atonement so much more. I can't even fathom how great his suffering was. I am so blessed that he did that for me.
One day my children will be grown and I may be on my way to growing up as well, yet I am not sure if I want to move on from where my heart is at now. I miss my Mom and I hope to keep her memory alive as I try to move on. Somehow I doubt that I will have a day or two without something reminding me of her and her love for me. All I can do is my best to honor her legacy. I love you Mom! Forever and ever!
I love you charsty! Hang in there. There are always going to be times that you want to talk to your mom. I know that when it comes to my dad I think of him with every milestone, or big event. However I do know that my dad is still there for us. I cried at Jerrica's baby blessing because I could tell he was there with us, even if he wasn't there physically.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need anything I'm here for you too.