Ok, so I have a confession to make. I have been watching this season of Kourtney and Kim take New York. Normally I hate this type of show. It isn't me. But I had to know, how does a marriage last only 72 days? I couldn't comprehend it. So I set out to watch the show to understand it. Morally I have had so many issues as I've watched this show. I am watching the final episode now and I think I have figured out why Kim Kardashians marriage didn't work. Selfishness. Pure and simple selfishness. It's more important to be happy all the time than it is to compromise and learn how to really love. The twitterpated feeling, 'honeymoon love' is over in a blink of an eye and if you haven't learned to compromise and live with the things that you don't like then your marriage is doomed to fail.
Am I perfect? Heck no! I have a short temper. I have days where I have no motivation. I am set in my ways and don't like change. The list could go on and on. Is Josh perfect? nope. With one of my dear friends we have an ongoing joke, "yes, I knew that before we got married." He drives me nuts. He doesn't load the dishwasher correctly, when he sweeps the floor he misses spots, etc. The list goes on and on. And I guarantee that he has as many things on his list for me. Yet I love him despite, or perhaps because of all his faults. I have learned to be thankful that he will load the dishwasher. I am thankful that he is willing to help out so much. But more importantly, I am thankful that he has taught me how to say sorry and back down from an argument. He has taught me to look inside myself and see that I am a better me because if him.
If I had left when I was no longer twitterpated, I wouldn't be where I am today in my self progression. Have we had times where I wanted to quit? yes. Will we have more in the future? yes. But I know that when I come out on the other side that I will be a better person for it. We will be better. That is what marriage is about. It's about giving up the selfishness and learning to accept, even love the things about someone that are hard to understand. Does it still give me a bit of irritation to open the dishwasher and see that he ran it with room for X more dishes. Yes, but it also makes me grateful that he is willing to help with the dishes. It makes me grateful that he is doing his best. And that is what marriage is about.
I truly believe that if I were placed in an arranged marriage (barring mood altering issues) then I could learn to love that person. Just like the millions of men and women before me who have done the same. It has only been recently that love was involved in the marriage process. Perhaps if we take that twitterpated love feeling out of the concept of marriage and replace it with the values and attributes that are needed to make a marriage work the divorce rate would rapidly decline.
What do you think?
Yes, Love is a lot more than that twitterpated feeling. My dad always said he didn't want us to say that we "fell in love" with the person we wanted to marry. He explained that if you "fall into love" you can just as easily fall right back out of it, and that it is a constant learning experience to love someone.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this, Charsty! Amen. I'm tired of people judging me because I'm married to a human being. Paul and I definitely have our problems and, yes, we fight. Sometimes it's ugly and sometimes I cry. But I've learned to put him first, to reach out and nurture and take care of him. I've learned to accept all his flaws. And he does a pretty good job of putting up with my moody emotional outbursts. It's amazing how a little bit of selflessness works wonders for a marriage.
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